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Sitting on a fence of green,

Wondering which way is up.

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Showing posts with label Narcissism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Narcissism. Show all posts

Nonsense!

Black Hate - Years of SolitudeSometimes it is scary how you try to run away from yourself.

You try to hide, try to fight, try to look beyond what is there, has been there, and will be there

Into the unknown

Just to feel the unbounded satire that is life.

You grope around in the darkness looking for an answer, looking for the reason you are doing what you are doing,

Running around in circles just to realize that you do not have a tail, killing time, trying to prove that you are worthy of the air you are breathing, the food you are eating, the water that you are drinking, and each and every time you reach the same crossroad again and again.

Again you face the same path you crossed before, again the two signs reading the same in different languages.

Same shit, different day.

Life would have been different, life would have been better, life would have been so wonderful...

Ha! Jokes.

Shoot, or be shot.

That is the world we are living in.

Believe it!

Period.

---

Just another one of those days when you want to kill everyone around you just to feel the solitude.

Can anyone lend me a gun please?

Rants.

एक दिन  बिक  जायेगा
माटी के मोल
जग में रह जायेंगे  प्यारे तेरे बोल

In the long run, everything is forgotten. what remains are your words.

It’s a strange thing, Life is. And mine, at least, is the strangest I have ever known.

You know that movie in which all strings are woven together in the end giving a cohesive story with all answer told? Well, mine is not that movie. Mine is the brainless sex comedy which, no matter how much you try, you will end up without a logic and reason to it. You just laugh.

Everyday something happens which makes me think and rethink all that has happened in my life. And the moment I start making sense of it, I realize that there is no point making sense of it. Because up there, there is a bigger joker Lost and Confused Signpostsitting, laughing his head off at each and every action of yours.

Life has learnings they say. I don’t think so. Not in my world at least.

I make a mistake. I learn from it. Then when the next time a similar situation arises, I use the learning just to realize that I should have acted in a similar way as the last time to make it work. The learning backfires. I should NOT have learnt in the first place!

In my world, logic is the last thing you would expect.

People: Illogical. 
Friends: Apart from few, all come in the people subset.
Acquaintances : Well, What do u expect?
Circumstances: Weirdly familiar but giving random results.

So what do I do? Do I run and hide and decide not to learn at all? Do I say enough is enough. Stop the world, and let me off?

Or do I keep playing the game of Poker that life is... Do I keep dealing hands after hands till I am down to that one last hand and hope to win it all. 

Maybe the mistakes made from the learnings are showing a direction. Maybe there is a missing link. Maybe, there is a bigger picture where all is connected. Maybe this is just the beginning of the movie and not the climax.

Remember Calculus? I am living in a world of dy/dx waiting for the integration which would give me the value of ‘why’.

Lets hope it is soon.

Till then, Life and lemons go hand in Hand. Lets see how many lemonades I can drink, or sell as for that matter.


P.S: All my friends who are reading this, you all are in the ‘amongst few’ category. Winking smile

For the love of writing.

 origami_paper_pegasus

Writing is telling a story. It may be true, or it may just be a figment of your imagination.

There used to be a time when writing was thought to be restricted to the elites. Something only the learned would indulge in, writing about the times they lived in, their lives and their surroundings. For common people, writing for leisure was something like cycling for exercise in the 18th century. Unheard of.

So our first stories were stories of lands far far away. Either they had gods and magical kingdoms with demons to be defeated, or we had stories of brave men fighting for justice.

Stories were told, stories were heard. Stories were remembered and then passed on. We would always imagine how the other world would be, even the ones which were close by but still beyond reach. Sometimes we would find a picture and then we would compare our fantasy with the reality.  

Writers knew that everything they wrote had a meaning and a consequence attached to it.  Not much space was taken and each alphabet was treasured. Every word had a purpose and the writers knew the cause.Their thoughts echoed through the hearts and minds of those who read them. Every line had many different meanings and even more interpretations.

The Daily happenings were delivered at the doorstep as newspapers, two inches longer and wider than now, its yellowish tinge making it all the more special.

Mornings started with the elders sitting cross legged with a cup of chai  and the paper in their hands and the younger ones trying to imitate them, sitting cross-legged and trying to open the supplementary section like a book keeping the hem in line. It was a difficult job considering the papers carrying the news were themselves half their size. Many failed. Those who succeeded, found a new world inside.

Lives were shared, Stories were told. Times changed with bold headings. Heroes were created with full page reviews. Celebrities were just frames on a piece of paper or pixilated laughing voices from a box. We lived in a world of fables. A simple, yet beautiful world.newspapers-vs-internet

But that was then.

The times I talk about has long gone by. The times when the only net known in households was used to ward off mosquitoes while we slept.

What we saw, what we heard, what we talked about, and eventually what we learned, we would pen down the thoughts that our mind cultivated from them into a piece of paper. Either to show it to someone, or to keep it closed in a journal, hidden from the rest of the world.

Now, things are different.

The late 90s saw the awakening of a different kind of a box. Only this one did not seem to be an idiot. A ‘social experiment’ by the CIA and a guy named Lee came up with 3 Ws and the World changed around us. Suddenly, the paper lost its magic. It was stolen by a plastic typewriter look-alike, only thinner and much lighter. The world did not seem that mysterious, and the land far away came within a click’s distance.

Lives were still being shared but they happened via a massage box on a screen. Stories were still being told, but suddenly, there were more variations than interpretations. Heroes were being created and pulled down with a click of a button. We were willing to believe, and believe we did. In ourselves, and the ones sitting on the other side. The Fog of mystery was being lifted for a world less ordinary and very much real.

The clock ticked by. People got closer. Relationships became like rubber bands. First coming close, and then too close for comfort. We now talked but conscious of every word that was typed. We were becoming writers in ourselves, writing fables of our own, creating identities that we wanted. We just needed a platform. And a platform we got.

We reached the time when the box gave us a chance to say something to the world. A story which we wanted to weave on our own. And this time, the world would be an audience. Suddenly, everyone became a writer. Everyone had thoughts that needed to be shared. Everyone had something to talk about and strangely, everyone had a listener. Every writer had an audience.

The paper was still there, yes. but now, it was just paper. you could not watch videos on it, neither would your comment re read and then commented on. The yellow tinge now reminded of old times.

Now, We live in times where clicks are paid for, and words are not weighed for thoughts, but by their numbers. Where memorable quotes are not remembered, they are re-tweeted. Where an article’s importance is not by its value, but by the number of comments it gets.

Now, every thought from every mind is God’s word. And you have plenty of gods to choose from.paper03

I too, belong to the same group who want their ramblings to be heard and their words to be read. And this space which actually resides in servers and words exchanged by air, provides me a chance to speak out without the fear of being judged and without the insecurity of being incorrect. 

Of course I might be wrong. Who is not.

I am here to tell stories. Of my times. Of my life. Of my people. Of everything I am surrounded with. 

This space in the virtual world is a place where dreams are born. Some may come true. some may not. Who cares…

After all, its the thought that matters.

Doesn’t it?

---X---

Just for the Record.

I just realized that every time I sit down to write, I inevitably start writing about myself.

Now that would make me a narcissist.

But then who in this world is not.

Even the ones who dedicate their lives for the good of others are inevitably making secret plans for a better afterlife. And here, if I think about my own goodwill, people come pointing their fingers at me saying that I think only about myself.

You are damn right I think about myself. And if you are not thinking about your own self right now, Either you let someone else make your decisions for you or you are downright stupid thinking a heavenly light would fall from above and enlighten you about life.

NOTE: A self introspective rascal wanting to come out of his shell. Nothing else. Peace.

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